How to plan for and take a break (and get back to normality)

We are entering the time of year when many people traditionally take a few days off or schedule holidays and events with family and friends.

This time of year can feel exciting, but it can also feel disorientating. There are a lot of different things going on at once. Workplaces shut down or slow down. Routines change. Social expectations ramp up. It can feel like everyone else is preparing to kick back and relax, which for some people can feel less like relief and more like kryptonite.

For many neurodivergent people, breaks are not straightforward. We do not always know how to plan for a break. That might mean scheduling and prepping work beforehand, tying up loose ends, and deciding what can wait until you are back. We might not know how to relax once the break actually starts, or how to be ok with a lack of routine. We might feel free, but we might also feel adrift. Then, once we have adjusted to the new normal, we often do not know how to ramp back into work mode afterwards, while other people seem to manage this more easily. That comparison can feel annoying and sometimes frustrating and upsetting. 

I think there are really three separate parts involved.

Planning to take a break.
Actually taking the break.
And getting back into things afterwards.

Each of these asks something slightly different of us, and all of them involve executive functioning.

Ramping off and ramping back in

Just like moving from one type of task or state to another, breaks involve big transitions. If we think of them this way, it can help us plan for them. We are adjusting to a new normal, and then later we are adjusting again when that normal ends. When we recognise that both of these phases need active support, things can feel more manageable.

I see similar patterns in myself and in a lot of neurodivergent clients.

Planning a break often means knowing you will effectively be saying no for a while. No to new projects. No to last minute requests. No to the part of you that feels safer when everything is kept in motion. That can bring up discomfort before the break has even started.

Sometimes we do not know what to do with free time. Sometimes we do not want to be alone with our thoughts. It can feel unsettling not to have structure and routine holding everything together. For some people, busyness is not just practical, it is regulating.

It can also feel isolating when everyone else appears to be relaxing and you are not. You might be physically off work but mentally still on, or bouncing between restlessness and exhaustion. Then, just as you start to adapt to a different rhythm, the break ends.

Getting back into things can feel just as hard. Others seem to slip back into routine with minimal effort. You might feel like you lose weeks of time on top of the planned break rather than a few days. Re-entry can feel clunky, overwhelming, or emotionally heavy, even when nothing has gone particularly wrong.

Why breaks often go sideways

Many of us are so used to the constant busyness of our brains that rest does not come naturally.

Some common patterns I notice are:

We overschedule ourselves and wait for circumstances to force a break. That might be burnout, illness, or external pressure. The break is not chosen so much as imposed.

We prevaricate. This can look like pre-task or pre-event paralysis, where we struggle to commit, prioritise, or tolerate the loss of options.

We schedule a break but do not really take it. We keep things ticking over, answer emails, agree to extra plans, or shorten the rest because we feel behind or do not want to disappoint anyone.

Or we take the break but cannot switch off. We are still in our heads, thinking about everything we should be doing, everything waiting for us, and everything we might forget.

In all of these cases, the issue is not a lack of desire to rest. It is that rest itself requires support.

Breaks require executive function

In my experience, taking a break sounds simple, but it actually involves a lot of executive functioning.

It involves prioritising what needs to be done before you stop.
It involves planning and sequencing tasks.
It involves juggling multiple timelines and responsibilities at once.
It involves tolerating things being unfinished.

Without support, a break can feel like just another complex project with unclear rules and high emotional stakes.

This is why it can help to think about breaks in three phases.

Before the break, clearing the decks as much as possible and making decisions about what will wait.

During the break, actually breaking and allowing a change in pace, without expecting yourself to do rest perfectly.

After the break, giving yourself a ramp back in rather than expecting an immediate return to full capacity.

None of this is about doing rest better or more productively. It is about recognising that for some brains, rest is not passive. It needs structure, permission, and time to settle.

If you struggle with breaks, it is not because you are doing them wrong. It may be because no one ever taught you how to plan for them, how to take them, or how to come back from them in a way that works for you.

Practical tips

It can help to diarise your transition points in and out of a break. For example, reminders like “last day of work tomorrow”, “two days until back at work”, or “one day until back”. You might also schedule small re-entry activities such as getting your work clothes ready, opening your laptop and checking communications, confirming travel plans, or preparing breakfast and lunch for the first day back. These small actions can help your brain shift gears.

If you struggle to switch off, try writing down everything that’s on your mind or recording a voice note or chatting with a friend. Sometimes acknowledging and externalising it is enough. If you are mid-break and feel there are actions you must do, try planning them intentionally before or after another activity, with a realistic time estimate. That way it does not feel like your break is being invaded and helps manage the potential expectations of others.

Sometimes tapping into our people-pleasing tendencies can even be helpful here. Other people are on a break, so it is ok for me to take a break too!

There is no easy solution for the discomfort of unfinished tasks. Many of us will often feel like we have not done enough, especially freelancers, because there is always more we could do. One approach is to acknowledge the discomfort directly. For example: I feel uncomfortable because I have not made as much progress on x as I would have liked, but I know I do not want to work over the break, so I will make a plan for when I return. For some people, this logical reassurance can ease anxiety.

If you are prone to rumination or anxiety, logic alone might not help. Talking things through with someone who understands can be useful, and so can intentional distraction. Disrupting the loop of thinking around loose ends is sometimes more effective than trying to logic it into submission. Parking tasks on a list with a return date works well for some people. Others find it more helpful to do something absorbing that fully occupies their attention, doing something you find enjoyable or have been looking forward to.

Some people also find it helpful to repeat simple mantras, such as:

I am hard working and I enjoy my work.
I am taking a break so I can appreciate the difference between work and rest.
I deserve to switch off and have fun without thinking about work just like everyone else.

So is there anything you need to do this year- to help you:

Plan to take a break?

Relax into the break?

Get back to normality?