Are You Any Good at Endings? (Because I’m Not)

Personally, I love the second part of a trilogy.
Why?
Because you’re in the middle. The stakes are high, the characters are developed, but you don’t have to face the heartbreak of it all ending. I’d happily stay in that emotional stasis forever.

Even when I know what happens, I’ll rewatch or reread just to sit in that safe middle ground. There’s comfort in knowing how things will pan out-  the emotional investment is clear.

But as we know, life doesn’t work like that. You can’t skip to the last page in a relationship to see if this is forever. You can’t peek at the ending of a collaboration to see if someone will still like you afterwards <<or if you’ve made a banger that will pop off!>>. You have to live it, deal with the transitions, and eventually… say goodbye.


Why ADHD Brains Struggle With Endings

For ADHDers, endings aren’t just “the end.” They can feel like tiny earthquakes to the self- rattling routines, shaking up emotions, and demanding more brain energy than we have spare.

Some of the usual suspects:

  • Emotional intensity -  We feel things loudly, even when the ending was expected. We want to avoid feeling uncomfortable or being emotional, or even exposing our disconnection to something, so we avoid it.

  • Transition trouble - Going from one state to another takes a lot of cognitive effort.

  • Routine disruption - Even short projects or short-term roles become a kind of anchor.

  • Sense-making gap - Endings often involve reflection, but ADHD brains can feel late to the party. By the time we’ve warmed up or understood the relevance for ourselves, it’s over.

And if there’s added awkwardness-  maybe you didn’t like the people, maybe you didn’t feel valued-  it can be even harder. Do you say goodbye warmly to something you feel indifferent about, or is that people-pleasing? Do you vanish and avoid the “we should stay in touch” small talk that feels false? It might feel easier to fade into the background in the moment, but are there social or professional consequences you’re maybe not thinking about?


Music, Creativity, and Awkward Goodbyes

Creative work is full of endings, and they’re not all comfortable.

  • That last push in the studio, when the excitement has worn off but the song isn’t quite done.

  • Post-performance grief, where you crash after the high of a show.

  • Wrapping up a collaboration when you’re not sure whether to send a heartfelt message or just… disappear quietly.

  • Perhaps a collaboration has been awkward and it’s felt like a lot of work to get to the end and you just want it over so you can never deal with this again. 

For some of us, the discomfort of endings can lead to dragging our heels, ghosting people/opportunities, or leaving projects half-finished to avoid the finality of “done.”

And let’s not forget our old friend Perfectionism. Sometimes we don’t want things to end or to actively draw a line under them because it signals: Hey, this thing is finished, no more tweaks, no judging effort- just the result. Maybe you don’t feel positively about it, feel like it needs more work, or you didn’t do your best. When we invite the full stop, it can feel like we are saying: “I’m 100%  pleased with this and it’s definitely finished,” which might never feel true. Not being able to call something “done” can be a big part of why it’s hard to let go of things.

So What Can We Do?

Engage with those goodbyes as often as you can, and reiterate to yourself: this is coming to an end, this is how I say goodbye to it. If you feel a gap being left by the absence of the thing, that’s a signal to plan something in advance. If it involves other people, maybe even mention these thoughts at the goodbye – sometimes being honest and sharing can spark a connection outside of the initial project.

Sometimes just saying “Oh, I’d love to work with you again” can be enough to lodge you in someone’s mind for a similar project later. Often we assume people are mind-readers who already know we enjoyed working with them, but it’s nice to say it if it’s genuine. There’s a difference between this and people-pleasing – the first might feel a bit brave and exposing, but if you’d want that person to know and there’s no expectation attached, it’s a genuine comment worth making. The other can feel like emotional work you don’t actually need to do.

Focus on how you can have a better experience and show up as your authentic self, and the rest will follow. 

Do you know the phrase “Done Enough”? Maybe “it’s finished or done!” feels hard to achieve but is it… done enough? Is it ok? Is it good enough for right now? Settling for that in your mind can be a way to battle the paralysing effect of perfectionism and allow you to feel ok or even good about what you’ve done. 

Maybe you don’t like big social events and know a big send-off would be a nightmare for you. Can you take a buddy and have a get-out plan? Or can you send a group or individual message to team members (if it was a team project) to honour the ending and wrap it up for yourself?

Not everything needs to be finished, but if it’s coming to an end anyway, get on that ending train and send your “thank you, it’s been great!” message. Then it’s done, and you don’t have to think about it.

If it was a gig and you don’t like how it panned out, try processing it out loud or by writing it down. See what comes out – maybe there are some lessons in there. Don’t leave yourself hanging either-  honour that ending. You did the work. Just because it didn’t work out exactly how you thought doesn’t mean it wasn’t a good thing. Acknowledge it, scoop up the learns AND THE WINS!... and then move on.

Finding Your Own Closure

We can’t prepare for every ending, but we can learn to spot the signs and build small rituals that make them less jarring.

  • Name it - “Oh, this is my ‘endings are hard’ thing again.”

  • Plan it - Look in your calendar. Got an ending coming up? Take a moment to reflect on what you’ve learned about yourself, others, and the thing. 

  • Say it - Honour the time/effort you’ve spent on it, say/write it out loud, remind yourself it’s coming to an end- and give the ending the space you want it to have.  

  • Mark it - Make a playlist, write a quick reflection, or take a photo to capture the moment.

  • Buffer it - Have a small “next thing” ready so you’re not stepping into an empty space.

It’s good to accept that everything ends eventually and to know this might be a bit hard every time-  and that’s ok. We’re working on understanding and accepting our own ways of being in the world- how we process things and what we need is part of that- go forth and engage with endings the way you want to. 



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ADHD and Negative Self-Talk