The ADHD Tax and the Hidden Ways It Undermines Us
The ADHD Tax: Avoid at all costs?
You might have heard of the phrase “The ADHD Tax” before. Often it’s described as extra things we have to pay for as a consequence of our executive dysfunction, communication differences and emotional dysregulation, often identified as something like late fees or speeding or parking fines. But in my opinion the ADHD tax is much bigger than that. It hides in the complications of daily life, small losses that add up to a sapping of money, time, energy, relationships and confidence.
If that sounds a bit depressing, I get it. But as with much to do with learning about neurodivergence it’s about building an awareness of where these taxes stay hidden and recognising the cost to you, then working out what we can do about existing ones and what we might do to mitigate future taxes. It has a happy ending I swear!
Financial ADHD Tax
It isn’t just the obvious things. It’s the subscriptions and renewals you don’t cancel because you can’t make a decision, or you’re scared you’ll need it later, or you just can’t face logging in and finding and trying to understand the cancellation page. Sometimes you meant to use it but never got over the barrier to starting. Sometimes the tax is buying the thing in the first place, because the idea of becoming the person who has that thing sorted feels believable and so appealing in the moment.
Let’s also face facts, it can be really easy to sign up to things but many services have inbuilt friction in order to cancel. The link or button that says cancel here is hidden in sub menus or maybe you have to email someone and by the time you’ve worked out how to cancel you’ve already used up your available bandwidth for admin type tasks, so you crash out. It can often take us several tries to actually cancel something, and that’s if you even get to the point of deciding you need to cancel which is a whole other thing.
The ADHD tax can show up as financial penalties:
Missing the cheaper early bird price.
Forgetting or missing a return window for something that doesn’t fit.
Receiving fines for not understanding, lack of awareness or forgetfulness.
Not paying a fine and it escalating.
Only paying interest or fees and being in debt.
Not being able to buy things cheaper off season because you’re not in the brain space.
Letting a free trial roll into a paid month.
Not submitting something in time even when most of the work is done.
Duplicates or rebuying something that you’ve lost in your house.
Getting backup equipment because you already know you’ll lose that one.
Buying into neurotypical solutions rather than understanding the underlying cause:
A new planner.
New software.
A plugin.
An instrument.
A productivity app.
A course that promises clarity.
Each one comes with a burst of hope. You aren’t a silly sausage for believing in that moment that this will be the thing. It’s the same dopamine loop that fuels creativity. But when the underlying issue is overwhelm, decision paralysis or not having enough scaffolding, the hope becomes another tax.
Emotional and Avoidance ADHD Tax
Sometimes the tax is more subtle and close to home. It hurts and hits differently when it’s something less tangible but important for your career and you see the impact it has but know you can’t fundamentally change who you are. I’m talking about areas where your communication style might seem to land you in trouble or conversely nowhere. You might feel that you’re too much for people and you somehow put people off. You might feel that what people need from you is impossible for you to meet, to be in consistent communication, to remember peoples’ names, and follow up on every communication and keep track and check in on those connections regularly as well as contributing to a community or several communities on a regular basis.
Avoiding phone calls or emails until the problem grows to an unavoidable crisis.
Letting unopened letters build until you’re scared to look.
Opening and reading messages or emails and replying only in your mind.
Only being able to see the priority when it’s got a neon flashing red danger sign.
Seeing the first few lines of a message, making an assumption and not reading the rest of it.
Music and Creativity ADHD Tax
There’s a whole creative layer people rarely talk about.
Buying courses, sample packs or plugins because you’re sure the next one will unlock everything.
Paying full price for gear because the sale ended during a burnout patch.
Duplicate cables, hard drives, USBs, batteries and SD cards because you can’t find the original.
Losing stems, demos and project files and paying in hours rather than money.
Forgetting to cancel a free trial.
Not backing up a laptop and then paying in lost work.
Missing submission deadlines for opportunities you genuinely wanted or needed.
Re buying software because the licence key is in an email you can’t find the password for.
Booking rehearsal space and forgetting the slot.
Travel mix ups because the mental load is already at capacity.
Missing things because you can’t find the entrance or way in.
Then there’s the quieter energetic tax. Circling an unfinished track instead of doing the thing that would actually help. Spending hours planning how to start but not actually starting. Burning through the day without touching the music at all.
Social and Professional ADHD Tax
It also shows up in your relationships and work.
Not realising the admin or editing part is a different skillset that needs a different approach.
Missing messages because your brain is already full.
Taking too long to reply and feeling too embarrassed to reply at all.
Not following up on opportunities even when you planned to.
Losing the thread of a plan or conversation.
Forgetting to promote something because too many things are happening at once.
Inconsistent involvement in communities you care about.
Connections fading because you didn’t have the bandwidth to stay in touch.
People misunderstanding your overwhelmed silence as disinterest.
The most insidious ADHD tax appears in the places that rely on continuity and follow through. Most ADHDers want to show up, it is just very difficult to do consistently. There is a cost to carrying too much mentally under conditions of high cognitive load and low working memory.
The Guilt Layer
What makes the ADHD tax sting isn’t always the money. It’s the shame.
“I should have known better.”
“Why do I always do this?.”
“Everyone else manages, why I can’t I?”
The guilt keeps the cycle going because it stops you looking at the system itself. It’s an executive function issue. Your brain needs different things around planning, sequencing, organisation and future thinking but we still internalise this as our own failure.
What People Can Realistically Do About the ADHD Tax
Pick one thing. One subscription. One bill. Fixing one small thing can help you feel better and more capable and able to tackle the next. Maybe it’s to unsubscribe from that email list that hooks you into buying stuff you don’t need. Maybe it’s to make a date with a mate to body double cancelling your unused gym membership together. Maybe it’s sending a difficult email to someone who is asking for something and just saying thank you for your message, I’m working on this and will get back to you asap. When we chip away at the shame and act, we usually feel better and the thing can then feel more doable and less shameful.
Swap remembering for containers
Use anything that holds the job for you: automatic payments, a notes app you actually use, one email folder called To Reply, one calendar you put everything into, a weekly reset where you quickly scan for anything you missed. Sometimes we just need facilitated space to tackle these things and doing it with others can be the key to opening the door to doing the thing.
Use external accountability instead of internal pressure
Message a friend to check if you cancelled the thing.
Use body doubling for admin.
Only do certain tasks in group sessions.
Pair communication with something pleasant.
ADHD brains respond far better to shared momentum than to solo discipline.
Lower the effort needed to start
Keep cancellation details in one pinned note.
Have a monthly unsubscribe day.
Send quick holding replies when you can’t write something long.
Like templates? Create 3: late reply, still interested, following up.
Half replies are fine. Finishing them later is fine.
Use waiting mode to fire off replies and transform that confused energy
Reframe communication as maintenance rather than performance.
You’re allowed to reply briefly, imperfectly, or days later.
People rarely need a perfect message. They often just need contact.
Accept the bits you can’t change
Build routines that don’t rely on memory.
Tiny habits or tasks are 100% valid.
Open your calendar when you open your laptop.
Put receipts straight in one folder on your desktop or somewhere visible.
Add things to the calendar as soon as you agree to them.
Stop looking for perfection in your systems and yourself
The ADHD tax increases when you chase perfect systems you can’t maintain.
Choose good enough tools that work for now.
Use one messy notebook or whatever works.
Keep one task list, even if it’s scruffy.
Simplify everything you can.
Call it out and don’t be ashamed- ask for support from like minded peeps
Name and shame the barrier (not yourself)
Most “failures” come from unclear steps, emotional load, decision paralysis, shame, fear of getting it wrong. Naming the barrier makes the solution smaller and more relevant. If it’s complicated to cancel something- ask a friend to body double with you while you do it and they do something similar.
People please no more
It’s ok to decide you aren’t using something and let it go. You can always re-sign up. Sometimes we think if we stop sending our intention or our money to a thing it means we are saying we don’t want that thing anymore and that feels very final and big when we may not be sure. Not sure if it’s serving you? Stop thinking about the perceived value of the thing and think about the actual value to you recently. If it hasn’t helped you recently, let it go. If you think in a month or two hey I really need that thing, you can rejoin. The “just in case” mentality is a huge ADHD tax. You can usually always re-subscribe so let it go and see if you miss it. Still not sure? Put a reminder in your diary in 3 months that says “resubscribe to ‘X’ ” and when it pops up consider whether you’ve missed it or not.
