Unknowns…
The Anxiety of the Unknown (and How to Deal With It)
In real life, for ADHDers, “unknowns” often show up as what I like to call: “corners of crap”
or what you might know as the chair of despair, the floordrobe, doom bags, or Pandora’s drawers (definitely don’t open those!).
These are the bits of life that are unresolved, vague, and as yet undecided. They might be physical piles of stuff, unfinished admin, or digital chaos but they all have something in common: they generate anxiety. And not just any anxiety- the looping, shame spawning, “I should really deal with that… oh I haven’t… again…” kind (and that’s why we put those bags in a cupboard, ok?).
In creative and musical life, this can take on an even more emotional edge. Unknowns can trigger shame, fear, procrastination, or just a general sense of unease. They become energy sappers, roadblocks, or full-blown panic spirals. And the worst bit? Sometimes, we don’t even realise they’re the problem.
How Unknowns Show Up for Musicians and Creatives
Unknowns aren't always obvious. They might show up as:
A bag of tangled cables you’re not sure even work
A collaboration where the expectations are fuzzy
A gig invite where you don’t know the set length, load-in time, or what gear to bring
A meeting where lots was discussed… but you’re still unclear what you're meant to do next
A venue you’ve never been to and don’t know how to get to
A sense that you’ve missed something, but can’t quite name what
It’s not that you're disorganised. It’s that your brain is trying to protect you by freezing or avoiding something it sees as potentially unsafe because it’s unknown.
What It Feels Like
Even something exciting can suddenly feel awful when it's full of question marks.
You might feel:
Paralysed by indecision
Stuck in procrastination
Foggy or unmotivated
Full of dread (with no clear reason why)
Like cancelling something just to stop the feeling
Maybe even angry at the other parties or your anger might be directed elsewhere
Sometimes you power through… but don’t enjoy it. Sometimes you under-prepare or panic at the last minute. Sometimes you ghost the whole thing entirely.
Psychological research shows that the brain treats uncertainty as a potential threat. For ADHD minds, which are often already juggling emotional and sensory overload, unknowns can lead to a freeze or avoidance response. Even one piece of clarity; a single fact; a set time; a confirmed detail- can be enough to reduce overwhelm and unlock action.
So What Can You Do?
You start with naming it.
Ask: “What do I need to know?”
Then: “How would knowing that help me move forward?”
Step 1: Trace the Feeling
Feel anxious, overwhelmed, or like putting something off? Pause and get curious:
What’s making me feel off about this?
Is there something I don’t know or understand?
Am I waiting on someone else for information or clarity?
You don’t need to judge yourself. Sometimes the real issue is a missing detail:
“I don’t know how long the set is.”
“I’m not sure what I’m expected to bring.”
“I’m not sure how to get there or how long it takes.”
“I haven’t packed yet and don’t know what I need.”
That clarity can be a game-changer.
Step 2: Move the Unknown to the Known
Once you've identified what you don’t know, you can start resolving it:
Message someone to ask (yes, even if it feels awkward)
Set a reminder to chase it up if they don’t reply in time
Make a best guess plan in the meantime (e.g. prep a 30-minute set, but have a shorter version ready too)
Create a packing zone: checked cables, printed setlists, merch piles, gear labelled and ready to go
Write down your assumptions and check them: “I think I’m supposed to bring merch but has that been confirmed?”
According to cognitive behavioural models, ambiguity creates space for the brain to imagine worst-case outcomes. The less you know, the more your brain fills in the gaps with fear. That’s why getting even one answer- one small step of clarity can make the entire thing feel more doable.
Step 3: Use Tools That Help
Goblin Tools – break big, vague tasks into manageable steps
Citymapper / Google Maps – plan door-to-door travel, then add alarms to your calendar
Body doubling – send messages or clarify things while co-working for accountability
Have Scripts – “Just checking I understood correctly…” is always a safe opener
Use an AI chat bot (or a friend) to process your thoughts to work out what you need
Step 4: Know That It’s Not Always You
Sometimes, other people’s communication styles are just unclear. That doesn’t mean you’re wrong or failing. Give yourself permission to ask again. If you didn’t take it in the first time, that’s okay.
Something to note: Don’t Take Your Cues from Other People’s Chill
Sometimes everyone else seems totally fine about something relaxed, vague, unconcerned or maybe someone doesn’t respond to a query you made and you think:
“I guess I should be chill about this too?”
But you’re not and there is nothing wrong with you- I think we’ve probably had enough of trying to fit into a neurotypical world haven’t we?
You might be in a context where other people are used to winging it, or have super low expectations, or they’re just not thinking about the event the way you are. But if you care, if this is your art, your reputation, your time, it’s okay to want more clarity and to know you aren’t going to receive what you might need from other people, so how can you be ok with uncertainty?
Ask yourself:
What do I actually need to feel ready?
What would “showing up well” look like for me?
If I wasn’t comparing myself to anyone, what would I do to take care of myself here?
How can I low key prepare for a few different scenarios so I have some options?
It’s almost always better to be overprepared than underprepared- not because you need to be a perfectionist, but because you matter, and preparation is a form of self-respect which can sometimes get lost in the way our executive dysfunction hijacks us.
Take your cues from your own values, your own needs, and your own energy rhythms. Not from the person who only half-read the gig brief and is just planning to “wing it.” That might work for them. But if that’s not how your brain works, honour that.
Some Unknowns Are Good
Let’s be real — not all unknowns are bad.
Creative life needs some mystery, freedom and flexibility. You don’t need to plan everything to within an inch of its life. Maybe that’s why you resist meal prepping or time blocking. I get it- me too.
The key is balance: leave space for spontaneity on purpose, so that when it’s time to lock in logistics and deliverables, your brain has the energy and bandwidth to handle it.
TL;DR: Turn Unknowns Into Known Steps
Ask:
What do I need to know?
How would knowing help me feel more prepared?
What’s one thing I can find out today?
Unknowns lose their power once we shine a light on them. Where do you need to point your torch?