My name is Jemma and I'm a slow processor
Hello again, it’s me. I’ve been away, I suppose, in that I haven’t been communicating outwardly for a bit, which is something which actually comes up a lot with coaching clients. We might be doing the thing but to then have to explain that and to further package it (eg. for socials) can often feel like extra work or energy we don’t have. Why is this a problem? Well I don’t want to be that gal but you need to read on to find out.
I thought I’d write about this as I return to writing blogs, which I have missed but also needed a break from. I see a lot of artists and creatives with burnout from dealing with the perceived/constant pressure to be seen to be doing things, sharing and talking about it. One of the issues is that we often think it’s our fault or that there is something wrong with us when we can’t keep up the pace or level of consistency required to have a constant external output. Sharing is powerful and brave but can also cost a lot in terms of energy/time/attention/documentation and invisible extra workload.
For some people, communicating who they are and what they are doing is as natural as breathing. It’s part of how they explore and express their identity. For others, we might well be doing stuff, but to think about documenting it outside our internal experience of it, to talk about it, to have to externalise and process it on someone else’s timeline or in front of or for the benefit of others, is something which at best feels uncomfortable and at the other end of the scale, impossible.
To some, this might just sound like an elaborate excuse for not fulfilling what should be part of the job- you’re just supposed to be good at all this stuff not just the underlying creative bit- and they might not even understand how it could seem difficult or negative but other people who feel the weight of processing and externalising on demand will get it.
One of the things I think I am always trying to do is to understand myself better and to bring to light some of the things which some neurodivergent brains can find difficult. If that sounds like purely a me problem well, it’s relevant because in today’s fast-paced world, we are expected to take in and process a lot of information quickly and to be able to understand what we think and feel about it in a neat summary, often while it’s still happening.
If you are just not wired that way and someone asks you: “what have you enjoyed most about this?” but your brain is flatlining where they want a cogent, thoughtful soundbite… it can feel like you’re out of step with the world. And worse, that there isn’t a place for you and your creativity.
Enough Doom! What works?
When someone asks me that kind of eliciting-a-summary type question and I’m not sure, I make a point of saying: “Hey, I’m slow to process things, so I probably need more time to think about it.” And no I don’t mic drop that and walk away, I try to offer something that can usually be found in the “What DO I know?” part of my brain. So I stick to facts- things I might know, like “I found the insight around X really interesting” or “it’s been useful to have the opportunity to be with others and share around this topic”.
I find something which is true for me but also respects my slower analytical nature, which may only know how useful/enjoyable the thing was for me (or not) in two weeks, six months or a year+ in the future. Some people need more context to understand how they feel about something and I’m one of those people. I’m here to say it’s OK if you don’t know yet. Knowing that you take time to come to conclusions about things is part of your individual learning journey and not a bad thing.
When you are slower to process, sometimes your thoughts or feelings about (insert thing here) might run deeper than “Yeah I thought it was great, actually”. You might have been able to draw connections between other experiences and learning so that it makes sense and fits somewhere in the context of you and your life. In my opinion, this is important deep thinking which you can’t force someone to come up with but it still has a place in our fast paced world.
That sounds a bit knobby, but what I’m trying to say is you don’t need to feel bad about it if this is something which is true for you. Being aware of it means you can go in a bit more armed than before.
For example, if you know you are likely to be asked something like “what’s been a highlight for you?”, you can keep an eye out for anything that speaks to you throughout and make a note of it. Underline or highlight it so you don’t have such a blank space when called upon. Even just knowing you might be called upon to give information like this can be useful for people who find it difficult to be put on the spot.
If you feel like you absolutely don’t know anything for sure, you can ask to pass for now and ask if it would be OK to send in thoughts or feedback after the event, when it might be easier to gather your thoughts.
However you show up is okay
Some ADHDers might like attending live events or courses for the motivation and external accountability but, we can also get overwhelmed with how everyone else seems to be able to understand and take it all in in the moment, when for us we JUST DON’T KNOW (yet).
One of the ways I’ve learnt to deal with this is to accept there’s a power in the immersion of the experience, but that many things might pass me by initially- and that’s ok sometimes. ADHDers can often feel like we are missing out on something, we’ve missed the point or lost attention and missed something big somewhere, or that we just can’t keep up.
Each to their own, but in my experience, the energy required to sustain trying to feel on a level playing field can be more masking than is necessary. So maybe there’s a power in acknowledging- Yes, I’m probably not getting it all (because ADHD+) and I’m not going to add anxiety over potentially missing things- I’m just going to be here now and then capture and process it as I need to.
For some, other people can be very distracting- positively and negatively. So while being with people can bring understanding and shared experiences, it can also muddy our sensory and social waters as we navigate whatever is going on for us personally, as well as trying to take in and understand the thing we are also experiencing.
For those with people pleasing tendencies we can often get swept along by the people we are with and our own intentions can be superseded- we might have wanted to speak to a particular person or attend a particular thing but we find ourselves somewhere we weren't expecting- which is why it can be good to find time to think about what you want to get out of attending X (and why) and stick to this as closely as possible- eg. I want to go to that gig and talk to one of the band members about x so I will do x to make that happen.
What do you want to get out of the thing?
I’m talking about working smarter not harder- FOR YOU- maybe writing notes throughout helps you stay connected to the subject matter, maybe immersing yourself works but maybe that makes you more likely to be distracted (were you told off for chatting in assembly at school hmmm, were you?).
Sometimes it’s about identifying the priority of the thing- is it about sharing and connecting with people (in which case preprepared questions/ bio and immersion might be better) or is it about understanding subject matter that you will need for something else soon (in which case your own info capture/ translation system is probably best).
It might depend on circumstances- if you absolutely need to absorb everything in the moment then you do what you need to help you do that. Tools like live transcription, recording on your phone (if allowed), asking questions, using AI for a summary, and prep as well as writing your own summary after the event can all help get you into a position to process as quickly as is possible for you.
Baby, Be More You
I know that my process might involve looking back at my notes, the recordings, the slides, transcript and source texts. If it’s an in-person thing, I try to get as much information as possible beforehand so I can do a bit of processing and thinking and prepping.
It’s not always possible, of course. But seeking clarity for yourself, even if it is not forthcoming, shows that at least you understand what you need, even if it is not always possible to get it. Which is a more empowering place to be than feeling like something is being done to you or that you’ve failed, again.
Yes, there are times when our brains need to run at a faster speed than we’d like. But for me, part of this journey is about being more me and learning what that is.
The coaching contradiction
As a coach, I regularly ask people questions like “what would you like to get out of today’s session?” and, at the end, “what are you taking away?” or “what has been most useful?”
And I know these can be difficult questions for neurodivergent brains, especially when we’re being asked to respond immediately or while the thing is still happening. But I still ask them because they are part of the coaching process and I am, in fact, a coach. Hello.
Coaching could be defined simply as a useful conversation, and so there is a purpose to those questions. At the beginning, we’re framing the experience, identifying what we’d like to explore or get from the time together. At the end, we’re returning to that and looking at what actually happened.
Without those bookends, a coaching session could feel a bit woolly. You might have had an interesting conversation but struggle to identify what you’re going to do with it, or what was significant about it.
That doesn’t mean you have to know the full impact of the session there and then. Some things might only become clear days, weeks or months later.
Having been coached myself, I also know how easy it can be to fall into people-pleasing mode when someone asks what you’ve found useful. You can feel as though you’re supposed to say something positive about the coach or mentor, or demonstrate that the session was worthwhile for them- you’ve been a really good coachee- for them. But it’s not a performance review for your coach- it’s about you and the impact on you and your life.
I think there’s something useful in learning to answer these questions truthfully for us, rather than trying to produce the answer we think somebody wants. It can help us notice the impact things are having on us, even if we still need more time to understand the bigger picture.
And sometimes the truthful and only answer is still “I don’t know yet”.
A few things to try if you need more processing time
Find out what you can beforehand. Questions, slides, timings, what’s expected of you. Give yourself something to start processing before you arrive.
Decide what you want from the thing. Learning something specific? Talking to someone? Being with other creatives? Knowing your priority can help when there’s a lot going on.
Catch something as you go. A note, an underline, a question. Something you can return to if your mind goes blank when you’re asked.
Ask yourself “what DO I know?” You can share something true without having reached your final verdict on the whole experience.
Ask for time. “I’m still processing this. Can I send you some thoughts afterwards?” is an answer.
Give yourself a chance to come back to it. If you want to revisit your notes or a recording, do yourself a solid and leave yourself a reminder. You don’t have to rely on remembering to remember.
It’s also OK to outsource your outward communicating to someone else (eg hire someone to help with your social media if it’s an option) and stick to factual things, “I was here” type social media posts, if that’s what you need to do for your work.
Home
Aaaand… back to me because I’m ready to talk about it now ok?
Just because I didn’t tell you, doesn’t mean I’ve been doing nowt.
Here’s a clip of a short film I did the sound for which won an award at a little film festival recently, and a song I released last month called Home about that very thing of feeling out of step with the world and not having a place to call your own.
Rising Seas Coastal Lichens clip- Stop Mo Studios and J*M*A Music- link here if not loading https://canva.link/ob1wo57kh6ihuym
The New View Live!
What’s this? I’m also planning something new for November.
From Monday 2nd November, I’m starting a small live group coaching course called The New View, running for around 4–6 weeks into early December.
It’s based on some of the work I’ve been developing around understanding ourselves as neurodivergent creatives, including our strengths, challenges, values, time and attention, and how we can use that understanding to reach our goals and build sustainable creative lives.
You can use it as a sprint accountability container to get started, move forward or finish one of your projects by the end of the year.
It could be a time and space you use for exploring your own creativity and being with other creatives.
It’ll be a live pilot, so I’m keeping the group small and using it as an opportunity to explore these ideas together and give people an experience of what coaching can offer.
You’ll also have two individual sessions with me at the start and end of the course, (bookends you see!) so we can check the impact for you and your creative journey.
The price will be around £150 with spaces for those to pay what you can
If you’d like to register your interest for the waitlist please do so here
